Fundamentally, what you need to do is you need to go from, “Oh, I would like to heal, I would like to free myself from emotional pain and suffering,” to “I need to free myself from emotional pain and suffering.” To go from want to need.
This is an incredibly important step because you do not need to accept emotional pain and suffering in your life. Every emotion is created in your mind and can be healed in your mind with understanding and love. There is no need to suffer from unhealed emotions that can affect your life for all time.
So to develop this sense of, “I need to free myself from emotional pain and suffering,” it’s really important to become clear about how emotional pain and suffering is actually affecting you. Because emotional pain, it takes our happiness away. I like to say that emotional pain, it’s kind of like the clouds on an English summer’s day. You’re looking up into the sky and all you see is these gray clouds.
Behind those clouds is the sun. And when the clouds go away, you realize that the sun was actually there all of the time. This is fundamentally happiness. Happiness is our natural state of being that lies underneath emotional pain. So when you can see how emotional pain is actually taking your happiness away, this will begin to develop this sense of, “I need to heal from this. I deserve to heal from this. It’s time to heal from this.” The next step, I feel, in developing this sense of, “I need to heal from this,” is to actually see how your emotional pain is affecting your world around you, how your emotional pain and suffering are actually affecting your relationship, how your emotional pain and suffering are affecting your children as well, because we all feel each other’s emotions.
Human beings are sensitive creatures and we feel each other’s feelings. More than 90% of our communication is actually nonverbal. So when you see how your emotional pain and suffering is taking away from your happiness, when you see how your emotional pain and suffering is affecting your relationships, when you see how your emotional pain and suffering is affecting your children and limiting your life in so many ways, well, this is going to develop that sense of, “This is something I need to do and I’m gonna do what needs to happen in order to free myself on this because I deserve to feel good inside.” The second step to develop, to freeing yourself from emotional pain and suffering is developing emotional intelligence.
What this means is you need to learn about your feelings. What did they teach you about your feelings in school? Did they teach you how you can heal painful emotions and how you can create positive feelings in their place? Did they teach you how to understand your needs? Did they teach you how to understand the emotions in other people as well? So in order to free yourself from emotional pain and suffering, you need to develop emotional intelligence.
You need to begin by learning about your feelings so you feel equipped with the tools and techniques that you need in order to heal emotional pain. There are many, many paths to doing this. And there’s many sources of information available online. You can go to local spiritual centers, attend workshops, or of course, you could follow the path which I teach, which is just one of the paths out there, in order to free yourself from emotional pain and suffering.
Emotional intelligence, one of the most important things invoked and the most important thing that we didn’t learn in school, because your happiness is important. The third step to free yourself from emotional pain and suffering is actually about learning how you can create positive feelings. One aspect of this is meditation. Every system of meditation, and there are so many different systems, but all that you need to do is to choose one of these systems. Basically, when you meditate, you will learn ways that you’re able to focus on the feelings inside of yourself and create a sense of internal space, comfort, relaxation, from which you are able to look at every single emotion that you feel in your life from a place of kindness and love. So it’s very important to learn some way that you can sit, close your eyes, and focus on your feelings and be able to work with them. Meditation is actually one way.
And there are many, many forms of meditation. I, myself, of course, teach aspects of guided meditation and clinical hypnotherapy. That’s one way that you can heal those painful emotions inside and feel equipped to be able to look at any emotion which arises in your life as well. When you’re able to meditate, then you’re going to learn one of the two wings of creating positive feelings.
Because in order to heal emotional pain, you need to begin by creating feelings of inner safety. In order to heal emotional pain, you need to understand yourself almost as if you imagine that each of us has a manual, like a guidebook. If you came with a guidebook of how to look after yourself, how to understand your feelings, how to balance your life, what kind of decisions, what kinds of structures could you put in play in order to consciously create good feelings inside of yourself, then you’re going to find yourself so much more equipped to be able to free yourself from emotional pain and suffering, because you’ll be able to do that from a place of inner safety. You’ll be able to free yourself from emotional pain and suffering from a place of positive feelings. You’ll be able to free yourself from emotional pain and suffering from a place where you have to safety to look at every single feeling that you feel in your life, from a place of inner safety and love. So positive feelings, very, very important. The next step to free yourself from emotional pain and suffering is actually to change your focus.
So often, our attention is focused on the world outside of us. Most unconscious human behavior is actually attempt to enjoy more positive feelings and to experience less negative feelings. I feel attracted to the type of people that I perceive make me feel good inside. I want to distance from the type of people that I perceive make me feel bad inside. I choose all of the ways that I invest my time around how it feels to me, always seeking more experiences of pleasure and trying to limit my experiences of pain.
More positive feelings, less negative feelings. So rather than always looking to the world outside of you and perhaps finding yourself trying to change other people so you feel better inside, which is something that I believe we’ve all done in our lives, it’s very, very wise to develop the skills of looking inside of you. What if the emotions that you feel have nothing to do with what’s happening outside of you? What if it is never possible for anybody else to make you feel a painful emotion? What if every single emotion that we feel today is actually a feeling that we felt in the past? What if many of the feelings that we feel are actually the result of unhealed trauma? Change your focus, one of the most important steps of freeing yourself from emotional pain and suffering. Because when you learn to become more aware of how you feel in so many different situations in your life, then you’ll be able to focus on those feelings inside. And then you’ll be able to work with your emotions on an internal level with those tools and techniques which you will learn by having a clear path that you can follow to heal every emotional challenge in your life. Change your focus and apply those tools because when your emotions change, your world will change as well.
So my name is Nicholas Harris, and I’m a therapist who teaches people how to heal emotional pain safely and naturally with the mind. If you would like to learn more, please go ahead and like this video, subscribe to my channel, make a comment below. And be sure to check out the suggested video as well because there’s an invitation for you there as well.
Thank you very much for watching this video. I hope it’s helpful to you. And have a great day.